The Power of Connection and Reflection

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Ever felt like the universe is pressing the rewind button on your life? Join Shelby & Khara as they take you through Mercury retrograde and its uncanny effect on personal growth. They promise insights into embracing patience during life's chaotic rewinds and finding harmony in the juggling act of family birthdays and holidays.

Shelby & Khara also delve into the emergence of self-acceptance, a fascinating exploration of redefining success beyond financial constraints. Through the concept of "emergence," they share how integrating different facets of ourselves leads to a more powerful identity. This conversation celebrates the wholeness that comes from embracing life's lessons, illustrating that true success is measured not by wealth but by the richness of self-awareness and internal work. Their discussion also illuminates the connection between joy and disappointment, exploring how safely processing these emotions can lead to a more fulfilling life experience.

They share how seemingly small choices can lead to significant transformations and the importance of cultivating a supportive community. From meditations predicting life events to the joy of creating intentional spaces for connection, this episode is a heartfelt celebration of growth, discovery, and the transformational power of embracing change.

Episode Links:
Inner Expeditions
Amy Lea
Kaitlyn Kaerhart
Manifestor Community
Chani App

This episode was produced by: Six-Two Studio

Find Shelby and Khara on instagram:

Shelby
Khara

Shelby's interactive journal:

The Identity Field Guide

Transcript

Khara Collins: 0:00

I remember this emergence coming up before. I wrote about an identity emergence that I felt like I was going through, and when you were talking about this on the voice notes, I'm like I need to write down these definitions and do some little inventories and see what's going on here, Because it was just really cool to hear you like put your little Gemini hat on and skim through everything and just I don't know everything. Just the way, too, that it flows with us is just incredible, Cause it's like I feel like this is also the first year that I feel successful in so many different ways that aren't monetary, and in a lot of ways, I feel more fulfilled than I ever have in my entire life. And it's like how is this possible? Like right, and it's like how is this possible, Right?

Shelby Wagner: 0:46

Looking for Evidence is hosted by Khara Collins and myself, Shelby Wagner. We're two Voxer besties who were brought together via our fascination with human design. We use tools like astrology, enneagram or human design to better understand ourselves and tackle everyday challenges, and we love talking about it. So come on in, let the insights begin. Well, Khara, I don't know about you, but this first week of December, with all the things retrograde, I'm feeling a lot of rewinding, a lot of looking back. What's going on with you?

Khara Collins: 1:25

same. And, yeah, this mercury retrograde it's not even just like rewinding and going back like through my journals. It's been going through my whole house, which is nice because I always read about that physical, you know, internal and physical connection with when you get rid of stuff, like it just energetically changes things and I feel like I'm truly feeling it now and also just allowing it to support me during Mercury retrograde, like what better way to spend time I know I love that this time of year, always, I feel like, catches me off guard because, well, november is like what I call the birthday gauntlet, where it's my mom's birthday, my brother-in-law's birthday and then my husband and daughter's birthdays are a day apart in this year, falling directly off after Thanksgiving.

Shelby Wagner: 2:16

So I'm very outward focused in November and I feel like as soon as I turn that corner, like it's like all eyes on me.

Khara Collins: 2:25

That's a lot, especially on top of the holidays. It's like I can't imagine that's a lot to handle.

Shelby Wagner: 2:31

Yeah, so I definitely decompressed yesterday with a terrible Netflix movie which actually wasn't that bad featuring a comeback of Lindsay Lohan.

Khara Collins: 2:43

Oh my gosh, I got to see it. As soon as you said that, I'm like I need to put this on the list.

Shelby Wagner: 2:47

Yeah, it's just like got a cozy blanket, get out my markers and those who don't know, like marker time is like my time to just like shut down all systems and follow the flow, and it was glorious. And I don't even think I got dressed until like four o'clock and that was just because I had to go to the store. So well spent, like way to rest, you did it, it was wonderful, it was wonderful. And so today, like I feel energized when I just got off the treadmill, that happens to do that to me, but to like, I just all of a sudden feel like this surge to just really reflect on the year.

Shelby Wagner: 3:27

The gene key transit is in gene key five, which is an important key in my chart, an important gate in my chart, rhythms, rituals on the gene key side. It's about patience, and patience is actually the word, my word, of the year, and so I felt a little like okay, I hear you universe, like it's time to take a pause and reflect, and so I'm excited to dig into some themes that I feel like were swirling around me today, themes or lessons, however you want to look at it, but that's what I'm excited to get into today.

Khara Collins: 4:03

Yes, I can't wait. I feel like your Gemini mind is always just organizing things in cool ways, and even though I've been along for the ride, I'm just prepared to be blown away.

Shelby Wagner: 4:13

Take her away. Well, where I'm starting, as I said, with that whole thing around patients, I hadn't really thought about it. You know, when you pick a word for the year, I feel like it's those first few months it's really, it's really there front and center, and then, as the year goes on, like you know, summer hits and I'm just like, hey, it's warm outside and I'm distracted. So to look back and see where that began and how that began is really cool. And so the order of things, I don't recall. I think the word patience came for me after this inner expedition that I did, as we often talk about, and we should do a link to the inner expeditions from Vanessa Henry, and I believe on this one it was I can't remember which one specifically, but I was meant to go onto my inner landscape and that there is like a piece of wisdom from you know, a spirit guide, and this is what I wrote about that experience. As I sat on the bench, the soft white rabbit hopped into my lap and propped himself up on my chest and looked into my eyes. He said you are beautiful, you have everything you need inside. I smiled as I looked across the shimmering lake and admired the cozy home I built within myself, under the bluest of skies and the brightest of suns, nestled within the protection of the bold mountains and sacred trees. Don't skip to the end. The rabbit pleaded Be present to what is happening in this very moment, with each person you meet and every creation you create. Slow down, he whispered, even slower, yet be still and notice every detail. And so that was such a powerful meditation. I'm pretty sure I probably cried at the end and I can still feel that white rabbit taking my face into his tiny little white rabbit hands, which is just wild to say.

Shelby Wagner: 6:26

And I remember going into this meditation with the insight that I was heading into a year or two in numerology. And when I looked at the year two, a lot of it was saying like this is going to be a slow year. And I was kind of disappointed because I was coming off of the year previous where I thought I was going to get the identity field guide launched and it was going to be this amazing thing ready for the holiday new year season and it totally wasn't. And so to come into January and see like oh, year two is about slowing down and really tending to those new seeds you planted in year one, I was like, well, that kind of sucks. And to then have this meditation that felt so gentle and supportive and to think about slowing down in a way that feels good and not disappointing, it really like anchored me for the year ahead. And so I'm not surprised, when I sat with my markers that week, that same week of this meditation in January, that the word patience emerged.

Shelby Wagner: 7:40

And it's funny to reflect back on that, because at the time I don't necessarily know that I made that connection. That's an important gene key in my chart, it's an important gate in my human design chart. You know, this kind of this patience and this rhythm and ritual and trusting in the natural rhythms is what grounds me, it's my conscious earth, it is what just really tethers me to this physical experience. And so to look back and see how important that message was and really look for the ways that I adhered to it throughout the year and I had a test early on in January, when I was talking to a designer about finally getting the identity field guide going, I had a way to invest and fund it. And, um, she told me she was, you know, booked until late February. And I was like. And I was like, okay, well, let me think about that. And I was like, well, do I want to try to find someone new or do I just be patient? And I was like, well, I'm going to try on this patience thing and and trust that this is the path, because I like her and I like the work that she does and I like the way that we just communicate and I'm just going to follow this.

Shelby Wagner: 8:57

And there were so many times this year, again as the book was coming to be published, challenges with the printing.

Shelby Wagner: 9:06

Again, as the book was coming to be published, challenges with the printing still wrestling in the last minutes about, you know, the right way to pay for it and fund it, just different things.

Shelby Wagner: 9:12

And once the book even got here, you know thinking about do I get out there and really market it and really effort when I don't really feel like that's what my body wants, you know?

Shelby Wagner: 9:22

And again, choosing patience, choosing to move even slower, and then the other part of this message to be about, you know, noticing the details. I think I've had the most synchronistic year ever Just a daily small moments of little signs showing up to tell me I'm on the right path and I'm not alone, and not just 1111, not just like a time on a clock, but certain people coming into my life, certain messages appearing, certain Instagram posts, certain invitations that just were undeniably for me. And so, as I reflect on this year, I'm so grateful for this particular lesson, because I feel like it's truly transformed me, and knowing that it's part of my human design and my gene keys also tells me this is like an important tool for where I'm going next. I'm gonna pause there, even though I have two more things, so I'm just going to pause there for a moment no, I love it and I knew, I knew you would have a whole.

Khara Collins: 10:35

Like we're reviewing the year, we're gonna have three sections. I'm just kidding, okay. So I wrote down patience and rhythm and most synchronistic year life. It just reminds me of my experience, too, this year and how I have also, like, been paying more attention to the details, and it just kind of goes back to the meditations where she's like notice everything right, I know, I feel like I was like that, obviously seeped into my subconscious.

Khara Collins: 11:25

I know, yeah, and it's like, but really like, when you do start to notice, like it's literally like one of those once you see it, and it's just kind of alarming at first, but then it's also just super comforting and like exciting, because it's like, okay, I don't really have to worry so much, like I was like not that you do, but that's me, I live like in the future, or just like worrying constantly but having these little like signs and synchronicities show up, like helping you trust yourself that you're on the right path.

Khara Collins: 11:55

It's so reassuring, yeah, and just like recognizing that patience was what you needed for any of this to happen. You know what I mean, like allowing yourself to slow down, and I just remember you talking about that year too, also at the beginning, like you just summed it up so perfectly. It is exactly how I remember feeling, hearing you listen to it or hearing you say it on your voice note, and just like I don't know how it's just trickled into me too, and now me going into a year too. I don't know how it's just trickled into me too, and now me going into a year or two. I just feel so grateful because I'm like I kind of know what to expect now, a little bit like the beauty of our relationship.

Shelby Wagner: 12:35

Yeah, it's just been a beautiful teacher.

Shelby Wagner: 12:38

And today there was a quote Amy Lee who blends human design and astrology quote she shared from Joyce Meyer that patience is not simply the ability to wait, it's how we behave while we're waiting.

Shelby Wagner: 12:55

And I was like, oh, that ain't that the truth. Yeah, how you behave while you're waiting and that was a piece pointed out in the Gene Key 5 too was you can wait all kinds of ways, but really the gift is waiting from a place of surrender and trust, and that the rhythm, yeah, right and yeah, and trusting the rhythm, trusting that like if you're, as you're being patient, you're being challenged, like that, this is, this is a rhythm, and as there is a low, there will be a high Right, or there will be a calm, and so that was really interesting lens to look through this morning as well is how did I behave while waiting? And I know there's definitely voxer proof of me having 10 minute tantrums, for sure, but I do believe that, overall, like my ability to come back to center and come back to a peaceful state in my waiting, in my patients, has, without a doubt, grown and strengthened in my waiting, in my patience has, without a doubt, grown and strengthened.

Khara Collins: 14:11

Yes, and it's so important to like, to like, not get caught up on, like being at peace all the time, but, like you said, to like let it out when you need to, because that's part of getting back to center, is like expression, right, like, and just being able to do that in a way that's supportive, which is like the rhythms, you know, just trusting that the rhythms are. That's supportive, which is like the rhythms, you know, just trusting that the rhythms are going to support you, is like it's a huge like connection to make, or like something like awareness to have of yourself. Like I feel the same way, like it's just it's wild to look at it through that lens and just see, like how much you've changed and not that long of a time, like it's fast and slow at the same time, like presence, right.

Shelby Wagner: 14:50

Right, right, I know, and so that just it just brings me to like how grateful I am for the tools. To me that's like the second theme of this year is these different tools, the different modalities, these different ancient wisdoms that I've really leaned into and really gave back to me this year. You know these shamanic journeys from Vanessa Henry. You know Amy Lee.

Shelby Wagner: 15:16

This combination of astrology and human design has been really supportive. You know Caitlin Carehart and her numerology insights. It's where I've been learning a lot about that. You know we have Holly and the manifestor community, which is always just so supportive as manifestors. And you know the Chani app bringing astrology and and just how supportive these have been to my desire and need for rhythm and for sense-making.

Shelby Wagner: 15:45

And to know that these moments of whether it's celebration or challenge like to see them supported in these, in these different systems, these different tools, these different wisdoms, has allowed me to have that kind of patience, that kind of surrender and kind of trust that is needed for where I'm going next, because all signs point to creating even bigger, to being visible even more and not like famous, but the work that I do and the words that I share having a greater reach and a greater impact and that I need these tools and that I shouldn't say I need um, how supportive these tools can be to help this journey go a little bit smoother, right and and what works for me.

Shelby Wagner: 16:38

I'm not saying it's going to work for anyone else, and I will say it time and time again I am not a teacher of any of these like 110% go fact check me on anything, because I am the great synthesizer and I take what I need and leave the rest.

Shelby Wagner: 16:55

But it's been really, really cool to look back and see how all of these different things have played a role, and you know, most recently, breath work, how that has played a role in moving some of these emotions that I've uncovered and discovered, and knowing that this year too, you know I wrote down it's just some quick notes about year two being about intuition and relationships and balance, and it's ideal for facing some of your shadows and making some connections and exploring those parts of yourself you know, so that you can stand really en route in who you are.

Shelby Wagner: 17:36

All of those have contributed so greatly to me understanding myself, including my shadows, and helping me not just know them but transform them, integrate with them and really embody the gifts that I have. And I don't know, this year might just be like one of the best years yet that I feel like I'm ending not in this place of really great career success I mean, this is the least amount of money I've ever made, if you define success in that way but personal growth success, I think just by far, not just because of the growth that I've done, but the way that I can really see it and appreciate it.

Khara Collins: 18:18

Wow, that is like such a powerful thing to end the year with.

Khara Collins: 18:23

Like this, really just self-acceptance, right Like, of all these different parts and like sifting through them and noticing, but just like surrendering and like I just love this whole like different measure of success.

Khara Collins: 18:37

That's not money and just that you're able to appreciate, it is like amazing and it's just feels so good to hear, like it just feels really comforting to know that it's possible to like witness yourself and accept yourself and get to this place.

Khara Collins: 18:52

That's so different from where you started from, like you know, not wanting to slow down or like being like what? Like slow down, like I'm ready to receive everything and it's like well, got some other clearing out to do or integrating, you know, and just I can't wait to see how next year turns out with all of the internal work that you've done. You know it goes back to that energy and the physical and internal and how they're related. And you know, by accepting these different parts of ourselves and integrating all these lessons, it's like it creates a different space inside, you know, and the capacity is just so expansive and it feels so good when you can recognize that you're able to hold a different type of space or just something that used to bother you, just kind of rolls off your back. It's. It's honestly one of the best feelings, I think.

Shelby Wagner: 19:51

It is, and as I hear you say that, like just kind of honoring these different parts and healing these different parts and discovering these different talents and skills.

Shelby Wagner: 19:57

It just reminds me of this word that came to me this week that's I've like felt nudged to be curious about, and that's emergence and the different definitions around it of the process of coming into view, coming into being.

Shelby Wagner: 20:11

But this other definition from Wikipedia was one that aligned to like science and art, and that emergence occurs when a complex entity has properties or behaviors that its parts do not have on their own. And so it just got me thinking about, as you're listening to you say, like perhaps I'm having an emergence of all these different parts of me that on their own don't have as much power as when they're all working together. And I feel like that is where I'm ending. And when you think about success and measuring success in a year, it just feels really rewarding to end the year feeling really great about what I've done and not having it attached to any amount of money, whether it's high or low. That like my definition of success and not even definition. But the way that I'm feeling and the reason that I'm feeling so good is because of the wholeness that I feel like I've created of the wholeness that I feel like I've created.

Khara Collins: 21:28

Yeah, I remember this emergence coming up before. I wrote about an identity emergence that I felt like I was going through, and when you were talking about this on the voice notes, I'm like I need to write down these definitions and do some little inventories and see what's going on here, cause it was just really cool to hear you like put your little Gemini hat on and skim through everything and just I don't know everything. Just the way, too, that it flows with us is just incredible. Cause it's like I feel like this is also the first year that I feel successful in so many different ways that aren't monetary, and in a lot of ways, I feel more fulfilled than I ever have in my entire life and it's like how is this possible?

Shelby Wagner: 22:07

Like right, I know, and that's why I feel like I always have to tell people like, just so you know, I'm still making the least amount of money, or like the same amount of money I made maybe 15 years ago. You know, like I'm not saying this because I just hit a six figure month like not even close.

Khara Collins: 22:25

Yeah, for real.

Shelby Wagner: 22:28

I'm like at the ends of the six figures, Like yeah, and it's wild to like really feel that like ecstatic and that just that good about it. It's. It's a wild feeling.

Khara Collins: 22:42

Yeah, it really does feel like ultimate self-acceptance, you know, just accepting things like as they are or as they were, and like moving on and recognizing like what needs to let go, what needs to be transformed, like and, like you said, just creating this whole new kind of entity, almost that it's like couldn't have emerged unless you had worked on these different parts and allowed it to kind of come together, and that just sounds like what a great. Like why can't they describe the human experience like that?

Shelby Wagner: 23:12

like that sounds like fun it is, it's like, it's rough, um, but it's rewarding. And your words totally like are a great segue to my final, my final reflection about you know things coming together. And what I want to read is from my fourth meditation, from the tower sequence, the finesse Henry meditation sequence that she offered for this last month, where we kicked it off with the new moon and ended at the full moon and did one a week and this was the fourth meditation. And with this the intention was to find a tower of conditioning within ourselves and kind of see what's going on there, what needs to be healed. And I found a tower I did not know I needed to visit and heal. And here are my final reflections from the fourth meditation.

Shelby Wagner: 24:11

On my way to the tower, I was walking along the edge of the rocky mountaintop when I instinctively pulled out a glass mason jar and scooped up a ray of sunlight and closed the lid. I continued on and brought the jar into the throne room of the tower and opened it. It instantly illuminated the basement of the tower and its light began to move upwards. The sunlight shined up above through the room of disappointment, illuminating the room with a warm glow. Appointment, illuminating the room with a warm glow. Instantly the fireplace in the room came alive with a whoosh and vibrant orange flames began to dance. Slowly this dark, abandoned room transformed into a cozy living space with modern gray white decor. It had cozy blankets on cool, comfortable furniture. I started to break through the dark levels and floors above me up towards the top where joy lives, making room for a bright, open spiral staircase. The two don't need to live on the same level, but now there's an open line between them. The disappointment can live and be digested in the coziness of the bottom of the tower and joy will remain elevated at the top. And now both are connected and illuminated. Both are a safe place to be. It is safe to digest my disappointment. It is safe to savor my joy. I don't have to digest anyone else's disappointment. No-transcript.

Shelby Wagner: 26:00

So this was such an important meditation for me, coming into the end of the year, noticing where there was still some grief and hesitance to really celebrate the good things in my life. And it first came with my noticing I didn't feel safe to express joy that I feel it in my heart when I'm out in nature, like I'm overcome with joy and wonder, and it's beauty, it's synchronicity, it's rhythm and in everyday life I like dim, that I temper it in my expressions, in my body language, and and noticing that I felt curious about like why do I do that? Like I want to feel as good as I do out in nature, in my personal life. I want to feel that same wonder and joy coming through me, emanating out of me, like it does when I'm on an adventure. And it was through breath work that I connected to my body and heard my body say it doesn't feel safe. And so I've been thinking about that the last couple of months.

Shelby Wagner: 27:15

And so, going through this four-part meditation, discovering I had this tower of conditioning, and when I first dropped into the meditation, finding this tower and finding out that joy lived at the top, and figured out that disappointment lives down below, and the room of disappointment was dusty and cobwebby and looked outdated and so sad. And I remember walking in that room and being like oh, disappointment lives here, and I thought it was interesting that the room felt like so untouched and got so curious about like what does that mean? Have I pushed away disappointment? Does it not feel safe to be disappointed? And how interesting that those two things have been connected in my inner world joy and disappointment, and that if I'm not allowing myself to feel one of the two, I'm not allowing myself to feel the other.

Shelby Wagner: 28:20

And so this week, I mean just literally, like I think two days ago, a day ago, doing this final meditation and having my subconscious say like it is time to build a bridge, a spiral staircase, between these two and it's time to heal this, and we're ready.

Shelby Wagner: 28:39

And we're ready to do that.

Shelby Wagner: 28:42

And again, a tool for where I'm going next, because I think good things are coming and good things don't come without challenges, and I want to be fully open to experiencing both, knowing that I have the appropriate tools to guide me on that journey, knowing I have the amazing gift of humans like yourself, kara, and other people who are on this journey with me, helping, supporting, guiding.

Shelby Wagner: 29:11

And so, to end, even though there's still some weeks left in this month and this year, it feels like a really, really good place to land, healing this on my inner landscape, healing these emotions in my body. I'm excited I have a breathwork class tomorrow and I'm just really excited for my mind and body to get on the right page, the same page with each other, and to start cultivating that new practice. I think that's again a new journey of my body feeling safe to trust the things that my mind knows are true and also letting my body speak, letting it take center stage and letting its emotionality shine through and be a part of who I am and what I create in the world.

Khara Collins: 30:07

This is just incredible Once again with the meditations, the way you like synthesize everything and break it down into like how exactly it's affecting you. It's just fascinating to hear and this whole connection between discomfort and joy and knowing your experience with it, like what you've told me along this year has been so satisfying to hear how this tower has like been this connection point and you were able to like build that connection through the, the series of meditations, and I just can't help but think, with everything else that you have been working on, that it's like going to be so much easier now that this big one is like kind of connected and illuminated like how that's going to spread to these other areas that you wanted to like see change, you know.

Shelby Wagner: 30:56

Yeah, and I think with each one it's. It's such a gift. I mean, this time last year I was moving through this same series and that's when I found my younger self in a tower, little Shelby and you know, reconnecting with her and like had opened up so much for me and I think just in my creativity and my belief in self and like my safety in the world, like my sense of safety, and so to now have this like new layer, I mean it's just. I was like it's endless. It feels endless, which I think maybe some people might feel like damn, when is it done? But also it just makes me feel so excited and curious for all that I still don't know yet, and also just excited for how I will get to apply this and experience it and integrate it.

Khara Collins: 31:52

Yes, and also just going back to like the safety and security piece, because that's such a huge feeling to have to be able to feel safe and secure.

Khara Collins: 32:00

Doing something like it's such a core element for things to feel comfortable and, yeah, just carry that with you into this new year. I can imagine how exciting that is. Like it's like you have this whole new like I don't even know what to call it structure or tool, or like it's not a tool though, it's like something that you've built up inside of you and like healed and now you can like approach life in this totally different way, knowing you have that safety and security within yourself in that area that was having such a big impact on you. Being able to experience like joy, yeah, and just again with the extremes, like it goes back to like the whole polarities and balance, like how you can't experience one without the other, like you know the extreme ends of it, and just the whole visual of the staircase connecting and illuminating is just feels really empowering to hear and I'm just, I'm super excited to like it's like we're part of each other's own reality shows through meditation, right.

Shelby Wagner: 33:04

I know, and I think that's just what's so wild about it is it creates such a strong visual and I don't know if that's just. I mean, you have strong visuals as well and I'm so curious if other folks do. But it is so comforting to have do these meditations and like, do this world building inside yourself.

Shelby Wagner: 33:26

right, it's to me I like think about people who like to play Roblox, you know people like my daughter, and I feel like that is what I'm doing is, every time I'm dropping in, I'm adding a layer of detail to my inner world, and what's exciting about it is not that I want to like get lost and live in a virtual world.

Shelby Wagner: 33:48

What it does is help bolster me when I'm in my physical experience right, like I even go into that. I've had so many dental problems this year and the last treatment I had, like I dropped into my starting point and it was just like you're safe, you're in your cozy place, this is a place you trust, and and so I I think about this tower of joy and disappointment and think about in the next year, when these emotions come up, that I kind of have this like touchstone within me of like we've been here and we know how to do this and to bring that visual to life of that cozy room. And I'm actually going to do a post later today. I'm just putting some visuals to those two things of it's safe to digest disappointment and it's safe to digest joy, and they're both cozy environments One is gray and one is this light pink but they are both comfortable places to reside and I love trying to give a new lens on that.

Khara Collins: 34:57

Yes, this is again. It's just so powerful to hear and like the crazy thing is to these meditations, they're not like guided the whole time. There's like one small prompt at the beginning, right, and the main prompt on every one of them is notice everything, yeah, and look what happens when you put a movie my defined head and run away I know, goodbye, same like. Don't tempt me with a little like notice everything.

Shelby Wagner: 35:24

Oh, I will notice everything. And let it be inspirational. And oh my gosh.

Khara Collins: 35:29

Yep, it's a hot air balloon taken off.

Shelby Wagner: 35:33

Yes, yes, so yeah, I mean I wrote down three words patience, tools, enjoying disappointment, or I should say three bullet points. Um, that's taken maybe half an hour, and so I'm happy to turn over the microphone.

Khara Collins: 35:49

No, we always have like little interjections. It never feels like, oh man. Well, like I was telling you before we started recording, I'm just I almost asked for more time because I'm like there's too many, but there's always going to be more things. So I kind of I have been looking over like this past year for the past couple of weeks, you know, just as a natural like review, and I've been just blown away of the different connections that I've made and just even though some of the stuff it's like I feel like I review it regularly, but most of the time it's like certain date ranges, so to actually go through like chronologically and kind of read through like what was happening and kind of step back, it's like a whole different perspective.

Khara Collins: 36:43

And this morning I was reading about like one of my first journal entries this year and I was talking about my values and I wrote down personal growth, freedom and connection. And I can't remember if I picked a certain word and like wrote it down, but I remember connection being one of my words that I was like going to focus on this year, one of my words that I was like going to focus on this year. And, after pouring through everything and just also recognizing that this is the first entire year that I haven't worked since I quit my job in 2021. And it's been uncomfortable because, yeah, I've been like reflex, applying here and there sometimes, but then I'm like, why am I doing this? This isn't what I want, like I'm not going to get it because I don't want it. Like you know what I mean. Like and just being able to witness that in myself and just be comfortable with the trust and surrender and recognizing that in this moment I have everything that I need and I don't need to be worrying about like six months from now or even tomorrow, like necessarily, Not that there doesn't need to be any planning, but I get so caught up in like thinking about what's next that it's like I miss everything right in front of me.

Khara Collins: 37:54

And some of the other themes that were coming up throughout the year were just like boundaries, relationships, money slash, energy, self-care rituals, routines, like documentation, like journaling and meditating and documenting like what came up, meal planning. These are just like some of the things that I wanted to write down because they were like they sound kind of like a jumbled mess, but it was like really big things that I worked through a lot of different arts on and I was also looking at my numerology because we were talking about, like, what year we're in and what year we're going into, and I feel like we've talked about Teledipity before. Do you have Teledipity?

Shelby Wagner: 38:40

I looked at it, but I don't actively use it, yeah.

Khara Collins: 38:44

So it's actually pretty cool. It's free and it's like a site where you can look up your numerology and it gives you, like, all of the different parts of the numerology and it also gives you forecasts. And they do have a premium version that I don't pay for, but just the free one that they send like they'll send you a monthly forecast, the yearly forecast, and they'll kind of update you on, like you know, know what the year is going to be like or what the month's going to be like. And so I went back and I read my my year one forecast and I was just blown away at the accuracy of it, because with all of these things, it's like I'm excited to learn about them, but I'm really excited to see, like, if they're true, like based on my events.

Khara Collins: 39:25

And it was like down to the date.

Khara Collins: 39:27

Like it gave a date range, like something is going to happen between March and April that's going to change your whole trajectory, and like and then and had specific dates between, like, july something and August 25th.

Khara Collins: 39:39

You'll be starting something that's going to be a big part of your future or something like that. And anyway, when I went back and looked, the end of March is when I first started making all of these like crazy connections and kind of being able to see everything as it was happening and not just like reading back and recognizing it but like recognizing what was happening in situations in real time, kind of like seeing the sinks in as they're happening, and around March it was more like chaotic because it was like a lot of like family drama and like, again, boundary issues, but me kind of stepping into my own authority and like creating boundaries and like saying no. And, as uncomfortable as it was, I really recognized like how important that was for me to do and to like continue to build on, because that's been something that has been really difficult for me to like initiate and keep going, especially when it's family, because it's like kind of sensitive.

Khara Collins: 40:40

And, uh, I just had to be honest at one point with some of my family, family members and just be like look, I can't handle like being around you that much right now, like I'm going through a lot of my own stuff and it's not that I don't love you, but I just need to figure this out so I can, you know, be better or like I don't know I said it better than that, but it was just like.

Khara Collins: 41:03

This entry at the end of March was just like and it did coincide with a moon, I can't remember which one it was, but it was just like all kinds of stuff layered on top. And then it was like the next coming days were like also this, also this, and I'm like, oh my God, like no wonder. I was like overwhelmed at that time and at one point in the entry I was was like I'm so hard on myself about not being able to handle some of this shit. But when I look at just these last two days like this is enough shit going on for like three years like let alone like a week or whatever. So it was like the boundaries thing.

Khara Collins: 41:37

And then I had also, like I had started like the beginnings of a community with two other people. That was like they had something going on with them, that kind of like crumbled everything. And it was a real like oh shit, like moment where I'm like, if this is something I really want, I need to like really recognize what happened and like understand like my part in it or the part that I didn't have in it and, going forward, make sure that I put things into place to prevent that. And one of the things was trusting my gut, because when I first got into this like group, I had a feeling like something was off, like and I didn't know what it was, but I was like whatever, like I'll just go with it. And it was also a pattern that I had recognized throughout my life where I was like shutting myself down like that, like feeling like something wasn't right, just going with it and then, like it's usually me, blowing up later this situation.

Khara Collins: 42:31

it wasn't me blowing up, it was the others, but still it was a similar pattern and just being able to be like the third person kind of in this situation gave me a whole different perspective on it and that was kind of a game changer. And then fast forward to this time range that it mentioned in August and I think it was like August 25th was when I created my community, and just doing that was a huge like, oh my god, like I thought I was going to be able to just purchase this community, start building it and like get into it. And hell no, I had to like integrate into, even like feeling like I had like started something like just that it was possible and I don't know, I feel like it's still like for you that community, like starting that community, like starting that community.

Shelby Wagner: 43:27

What do you feel like it? It drew out of you, or called on, like what it feels like it pulled something out of you in order to like make that happen and take that step.

Khara Collins: 43:35

It was letting myself have what I really want. I have a really bad pattern of settling for things and just like feeling like my dreams are too big or what I want is too much, and it's like no, you know, it's too much settling for everything your whole life.

Khara Collins: 43:51

Like even with little things, like the clothes that I wear, the brand of tea that I like, like, like certain things, like they can't I mean I don't know what and recognizing where you do that in your life and then making the small changes, like buying the brand of tea that you like or buying the actual sweater you want, not the one that's on the clearance rack, like it's amazing, like how big of a difference that makes, and not that you need to like be blowing all kinds of money, but like that settling feeling it compounds like anything else. And then, before you know it, you're in this life and it's like who wanted this?

Shelby Wagner: 44:31

That's settling feeling. Yeah, like you know, I think it's like whatever that thing is for people, right, it's like whatever, wherever that place is, that you settle, whether it's how you spend your money or the things that you choose. And so how did this, like new community feel, like having what you really want, like cause, what did you really want?

Khara Collins: 44:53

I just wanted a space that was like my own to like figure out how to build and like not be on anybody else's timeline about it.

Khara Collins: 45:03

Because, like I did want to build a community but there were certain things that I was running up against. Like even in the process with the other group, I was in where I wasn't comfortable yet. And it's like you have you can rush past through it and you can build it out, but it's like you're not going to be able to have that capacity for whatever comes next and it's just like everything else, like stuff in your personal life is going to duplicate in your other relationships, including business. And I know that, like I haven't, I'm trying not to be experiencing that too hard, because I know that there's like some really foundational things that I needed to get right before I'm like moving forward into this community building, because it feels like a huge responsibility also and it's something that I'm still learning about and like how to do it. I don't want to say in the right way, but in a way that works for me and for everybody else. That doesn't feel like stifling or like cringy, like I don't know. I just I feel like it's.

Khara Collins: 46:07

It's just feels good to be able to do something that I've always wanted to do and kind of let myself self experiment with it without being on any kind of like, like timeline, of like when it needs to get done, or like certain goals to hit, and not that I don't have goals, but it's just like kind of feeling my way into it and like acclimating to wow, I have a community.

Khara Collins: 46:29

Like just that alone, without even anything in it. Just the opportunity to be able to create one just felt so overwhelmingly good. I just had to like pause for a little bit and then to be able to host your book club, there was just, it was such an amazing first event to have and it just showed me like exactly the type of experience I want to have, like in the community, like and it wasn't, wasn't complicated, like and that's another part of it it's like I'll make it so complicated in my head and like just psych myself out so hard and then when it finally happens, it's like this wasn't, this was not bad at all, like this is better than you could have imagined, like and I can't tell you how many times that happens to me and it's just like now I'm at the point where I'm like okay, am I gonna continue to worry or am I just gonna like chill and enjoy this experience? And it's like the Timon and Puma meme where it's like have you tried not fucking worried about it?

Shelby Wagner: 47:33

which is such a great lesson, and it's like it's it sounds so simple, right, but it's like you can, you can stress and worry, but or you cannot, but like the days are passing either way and the tasks you get done or they don't get done. You know what I mean. And so it's like how do you want to endure it? Do you want to enjoy it in like a peaceful way, or do you want to, like you know, white knuckle it the whole way through?

Khara Collins: 47:59

you know, like and I think people don't always see like that's a, that's a choice that you're making yes, exactly, and I did have a couple things I wanted to read, just like different excerpts that I came across, and I was like huh, one of these was the full moon in Pisces and it's just like a list of stuff that the prompt was I'm recognizing how the universe is supporting change in my life.

Khara Collins: 48:26

These are all the things that I'm noticing and I wrote less attachment to the material world, less worrying, more deep connections, more freedom and flexibility, less resistance to change, more inspired action, how everything is connected, my old patterns broken, more self-awareness, more intention, more meditation, more somatic practice, less anxiety over material, more trust in the universe, more presence, more joy, more growth.

Khara Collins: 48:56

And then I also wrote about these are all the possibilities and opportunities that are coming that I'm excited for Saltera slash book club, podcasting, my new schedule, my growing relationship with my son, my identity as a mom and community leader, my marriage, my work with Randy Lee, sharing what I've learned, creating when I feel like it, prioritizing self-care, prioritizing sleep, prioritizing moving my body daily, communicating my needs in a healthy way. And I remember when I wrote this it's like some of these prompts they're not like the list making is so like I don't know how to describe it. It's like when you can put something in a list and see just like simply what it is. I mean, this list is a lot. You know what I mean. And it's like kind of cool to like see how I've been moving through all these different things and in a lot of ways they're pretty fluid, like. It's not like I'm always prioritizing moving my body daily, but I'm still excited about that like being a thing eventually, you know.

Shelby Wagner: 50:01

Well, and how they each like feed each other, you know. Yes, exactly, and some are like professional aspirations, personal aspirations, but how they weave together which I think I would hope is the goal that those things don't feel separate but feel supportive of one another.

Khara Collins: 50:20

Yes, I don't know. I just feel like that's why I feel like I'm like I need at least like the rest of this month to pour over everything, because there's just so many layers to everything that's happened, like, and a lot of it happens all at once. And I've noticed that pattern in my life where when something breaks or when something gets better, it's like a lot at once and in a lot of ways, I prefer it like that. Like obviously it's comfortable because it's like what I've been experiencing my whole life, but in other ways it's kind of alarming or just like, especially when you're noticing all these patterns on top of it, it's like, oh my God, this is so much worse than I thought. Or like, oh my God, this is so much worse than I thought. Or like, oh my gosh, it's so much better than I thought and it was so much easier to get over than I had imagined it was. Or just recognizing the freedom that you get back when you let go of some of these stories you've been carrying around or behaviors, or whatever it might be, and I think I had mentioned in my little list at the beginning, like family patterns, or, yeah, family patterns was one of the things and, as you know from our Voxer Bestie account, there's been a rich vein of family patterns that I've come up against recently.

Khara Collins: 51:36

And just before we got on to the pod, I was reading through one of the meditations I did and I haven't told you about this yet because I think I told you about the meditation when it happened. But looking at it now and knowing what's happened at the end of this year, I am just, I am at a loss. It's like this whole world building thing. It's like when you it's like prophetic dreams sometimes with these meditations because they'll pick up on things and then you look back later and you're like, oh shit, like that actually happened or that was pointing to this, and anyway, I'm going to read this meditation and then we can talk about what happened after. Please do. This. Meditation was on September 20th. Also, this is a voice note that I haven't edited, like it's me dictating, so it might be a little messy, but it'll make sense.

Khara Collins: 52:27

I think I just did the beaches meditation from Vanessa Henry and immediately I was at fish pass, the beach that I usually go to daily, and I was standing in the water about ankle deep, maybe calf deep, and at the bottom of my calf and I was standing in the water about ankle deep, maybe calf deep, and at the bottom of my calf I was thinking about the jellyfish that I've been seeing the days leading up to today. But when I closed my eyes to start the meditation, an octopus appeared and I felt it on my legs and I looked down and it was kind of cat-like how it threaded through my legs Sometimes it felt like that with its tentacles and it was purplish red. It started swimming and like leading me and I had a snorkel suddenly and I followed it and we started diving down and it took me to a shipwreck and inside the shipwreck there were four different rooms that I went into and one of the rooms looked like an abandoned room, like nobody, nothing really identifying about it, like of who could have been there, what happened in there. And there was another room that had a map on the wall that had like a bunch of points on it and string everywhere like somebody was making a plan or charting the course. And when I was in that room I started thinking about my ancestors, and specifically my grandpa, and the podcast clips that we recorded. I guess it was a year ago and I haven't published them, and I started thinking about how I should publish that for the family and about I don't know I go on about like this podcast, anyway.

Khara Collins: 53:56

Then I started thinking about interviewing different family members and getting their perspectives on some of the same stories that my grandpa told, or just in general growing up, how it was for them like their personal stories.

Khara Collins: 54:06

And then I started thinking about this family reunion that my dad keeps mentioning on his side of the family and, instead of having cameras for everybody to take pictures, having like little devices for everybody to record a conversation with somebody, like a question they have about them or a story they want to hear, and I've never thought about doing something like that. And when I went to the fourth room I noticed that the octopus was just kind of like around and it was obviously time for me to explore. And I went to this last room and there was just a cushion in the middle of it explore. And I went to this last room and there was just a cushion in the middle of it and it was clear to me that this was for meditating. And when I sat down to think about meditating, I started thinking about legacies and if there was anything that my ancestors didn't get to finish or like worked on, but that was left with loose ends. And then I just started spiraling, thinking about like podcasting and nursing homes and like all these different things.

Khara Collins: 54:59

but I just that end part where it's like loose ends and my ancestors and if there was anything unfinished, and then fast forward to this last full moon we had and my I'm at the ranch with my dad and I'm asking him about the family history and he is filling me in with all these different stories because he's been talking to one of our cousins so he has like new stories basically, and I get on this website that my family has. That's like documenting, like the first ancestor that came over and I noticed that there's a cemetery and I'm like dad, can we go here? And it turns out like this land was sold, with the cemetery on it, to somebody outside of the family and we were able to get on through a landowner and we get to this like land and it's just rice fields and cotton fields. We're like what the hell? Like we knew from google maps, like it was along a tree line.

Khara Collins: 55:59

So we ended up like climbing through a barbed wire fence, crossing a hayfield and getting to this tree line and going through the woods following a river to the cemetery and it was seriously like secret garden, like vines growing over, like couldn't even see, like you could barely see the tops of the headstones in there and I was just like overcome with like emotion because it just kind of highlighted a lot on that side of the family about like the history of like money and land and just this is the ancestors and they're just abandoned here.

Khara Collins: 56:39

And anyway, I started digging into like what we could do because, like, obviously, when it's a cemetery, it's a family cemetery, there's like rights you have to like go visit and like take care of it. But I started the process of getting it recognized as a historical cemetery and then also to get eventually like a landmark piece put on it and I don't know. It just felt like one of those loose ends that came up in this meditation and I'm just like, oh my gosh, like that's crazy absolutely all these little signs pointing to it and I'm still like working through that process.

Khara Collins: 57:16

but that whole discovery was just really it said so much and to be able to experience it with my dad too, like he had never been to that cemetery, and it was just a really I don't know. It's like who does that? Who gets to go discover a lost cemetery with their dad. And the whole secret garden part too, was just like, oh my gosh, like this was my dream, to find a secret garden. Like you know how many times I've dreamt about that. And here it is left undone?

Shelby Wagner: 58:02

and what about legacy? And to now be able to enter into this experience of being someone who can contribute to legacy, who might be able to help complete what wasn't finished or bring light to what wasn't or what was.

Khara Collins: 58:14

I mean such a powerful like gift, but also a heavy one too yes, super heavy, because just going back through the family tree too and my sister had built out some of our family tree on ancestry after finding all this I'm like how could this happen? Like I went all the way back to the top and found out like there were two sets of kids at the very beginning. Like his name was FC had his birthday was yesterday, by the way. Um, you were talking about like your birthday gauntlet, december I'm talking present day and past jam-packed like everybody's born in December. It's crazy. Anyway, there was two sets of kids.

Khara Collins: 58:59

Like he had a first wife that passed away and he had like five kids and the second wife had like nine or something, and the first set of kids didn't like the second wife and that's kind of where this like kind of feuding seemed to start and that just it's just a long line of daddy issues If we want to really sum it up.

Khara Collins: 59:19

But it was just so crazy to see that exact pattern of like, not that the the two sets of kids, but just like how there's one kid that branches off on each like side that is kind of like the black sheep and and does something against the family's wishes, like carrying on the business or whatever, and how that sets off like a series of events and it's kind of just repeated instead of like actually changing, and it just really had me thinking about like what my role is in that as a child of a black sheep, two black sheep, and uh, like what that means.

Khara Collins: 59:54

Like what, like what kind of opportunity I have because of that, like to be able to be able to witness like your parent and do something totally different from their family. That's kind of opportunity I have because of that. Like to be able to be able to witness like your parent and do something totally different from their family. That's kind of cool. Like it's like I don't know, it's a, it's a game changer and not that like carrying on tradition isn't important, but when it's been destructive and detrimental, it's like we need to end it.

Shelby Wagner: 1:00:16

Yeah what are some of your thoughts about that? I think that's an interesting thought there that there likely have been people who've broken off in the family tree to do something different. But what is that like distinction between breaking off and changing a pattern, and breaking off and like holding a pattern Do you see like a new opportunity, a new way to like, perhaps end a pattern versus repeat it in like your way of being unique and different?

Khara Collins: 1:00:47

yeah, I feel like it highlights the whole importance of acceptance and just of myself and also other people with where they are, because I feel like I've witnessed it like in my immediate family, where two people will be like not arguing but just kind of butting up against each other and it's like literally a stalemate unless somebody accepts the other, you know, and it just creates this whole like division.

Khara Collins: 1:01:15

The other thing that was a theme was like pitting siblings against each other, and that's still happening today. Like and it's not even like it's, I don't even think it's conscious, it's like one of those unconscious things, one of those, yeah, sweet little things that gets passed down.

Khara Collins: 1:01:31

It's a reflex just yeah, just being able to recognize that happening, like again, as it's happening, it really helps me feel empowered to like be the change I wish to see. You know, like that's been something that's been really significant in just the last few weeks for me to like be able to notice and allows me to be able to hold more space for other people in my family, because I've witnessed, accepted and experienced it myself, you know, and then I can also share my experience and because it's about me, if it does apply to them, they can see that like where they fit into that and just adjust accordingly also. So it's like it's still a new thing that I'm trying to integrate and decide, like what my next move is. But I don't think it's like it's just like the whole healing process. I don't think it's ever going to end.

Shelby Wagner: 1:02:24

It's just a matter of like getting comfortable with, like continuing to choose change instead of continuing to choose being comfortable or you know, and I think, being open, like you said, being open to share what your experience is, I feel like, as I hear you talk about how you're moving through it and approaching it with acceptance and and stepping into some conversations that are uncomfortable, I feel like you're being an example and you're demonstrating like this is how we can use new language with each other and this is how we can approach each other with a different lens, you know.

Shelby Wagner: 1:03:03

So I almost see it as as like a teaching role, and not that you need to get attached to anyone, anyone's particular transformation, because all you can do is is present what you have and what you know, and it's up to them to digest it and do with it what they will. But it seems like there's a powerful role for you to play, that role of here's how I'm learning new things and here's how I'm using those new things to approach this, and I think it will make us all feel better. But that's for you to decide, you know.

Khara Collins: 1:03:37

Yes, and that actually reminds me. It takes me back to this teledipity thing, because something I read last night after going through all of this family, this family stuff and what you just said, I'm like I need to read this clip it says the following statement will ring very true to you it is the broad stroke definition of your life's main objective. Kara is here to end suffering and injustice through a series of artistic or written works dealing with matters of love, affection and family, through counseling group coaching and teaching what okay, I know I was like, uh, exquisite like, who Are we talking about?

Shelby Wagner: 1:04:19

the same Kara? Oh man, I see it. I mean I really I do like that. That statement does not surprise me at all and I think even those pieces of like justice and values that you've been wrestling with this year and you know, holding space and community for everybody, I think there's. You know, you're on a new journey, I think, in my perspective, where you're leaning into some of those things and and growing into that place of teaching and being a leader in that space, and I love that creativity and words and all of that as a part of it, because I think that's that is what helps you be a bridge for things that can feel uncomfortable, is your, is your creativity and your artistic ability.

Khara Collins: 1:05:15

It really does feel like that and I know I haven't recounted my latest tower meditations, but I did finish. Finally, the third and fourth and I'll just cliff notes. It like the whole experience because I started this tower series to this whole cemetery thing and I think I started it like right as it was happening and so of course the tower has a lot to do with everything that I've been going through and the end of it was me again. Like a lot of my towers and like meditations with Vanessa are like memories will come up and a lot of sometimes I get annoyed because I'm like where's the movie? Like I don't need to see these past clips like, but a lot of times it's highlighting like past clips that I need to like review or think about and with this whole family situation, it was highlighting like different pivotal points in my family's like ancestry and journey that have like compounded and brought it to the point where it is now. And it was crazy to go through this meditation and especially in the seed part where you go and you find the seed to like bring back to the tower. I remember just seeing this like crack in the ground with like this golden light coming out and digging the seat up and taking it to the throne and just like watching it illuminate the whole tower and just it was very beauty and the beast you know what I'm talking about. It was like at the end where he's like transformed and I was just like, holy shit, like I am the light, like I am the Like. That's what this is about. Like, regardless of like where I've come from, like and where I'm going, like I am that light, that like connects the two pieces, like much like your tower of joy and discomfort. It's like the past and like the present or something I don't know. But it was really like healing to experience that, because I feel like I've done the towers before and they've always been like really powerful.

Khara Collins: 1:07:26

But I think hearing you describe like how they connect for you has helped me like deepen my understanding of some of the things that come up and like be able to catch on to it sooner. You know what I mean. So, like from the beginning, I'm noticing things and like thinking about, like ways that you've processed it. Not that I'm like basing everything off of that, but just like the insights that you get are really like deep and they help me see things differently and I want to see if I can see things differently too. And I don't't know, it's just been extra like magical to be able to share all of these experiences with you along the way, because I just I feel like at the end of this year like the biggest thing and like also one of my words at the beginning connection, like that's what's gotten me through, like especially my connection with you, because we talk nearly every day, if not every day, and there's nobody that I talk to every day.

Khara Collins: 1:08:23

Like that, like and um, that's just been really cool and it's been this whole like I don't know like different experience too, because we're always telling each other like don't feel pressure to respond and I'm just like letting it out on here, and it's just really cool to be able to like know that it's like cool not to respond right away or just when you have the energy to, and that is okay, like for real, you know, like right, it's just been, it's been great.

Khara Collins: 1:08:52

So community has made a huge difference and especially even with our book club, like I didn't start the journal until we started that community and I am still journaling daily and I hadn't journaled daily like ever. So just being able to see everybody's like insights and everything come up. It was so motivating and like just helped me feel like a part of something bigger, especially just hearing the different memories that come up and like pictures that might've been the same. I just can't get over like how much it was enriched by being in a community Like it's like it makes so much sense and it's like how do we get so far away from that? I want to cultivate more of that, like discovering together.

Shelby Wagner: 1:09:35

Yeah, and I think people don't realize how much they need that and desire that to be a part of something bigger, because our traditional systems and spaces of being a part of something bigger have fallen away, like religion, you know, and so to create it's like creating and redefining new spaces and new reasons. And you know, book clubs have always been there. But I think when you come together to talk about like what's really on your mind, what's really on your heart, I don't know a lot of places to do that other than like paying to go to therapy or something like that.

Shelby Wagner: 1:10:13

And even then, those are often places of like agitation, and so it just reminds me of how much my work has always wanted to be about helping reflect the goodness that's within us, and starting from a place Mentor once said, like starting from a place of asset instead of deficit. And we have enough places where we can go to like see what's wrong with us. But what about those spaces to like celebrate and it's not that we can't, you know, share our shadows and our disappointments too but also to just like dream and wonder together and be transformed by one another's stories and experiences? We are severely lacking those, and so I think that's why your work of community and connection, and your gifts and your abilities to do that and bring people together, I have no doubt that it is going to like guide, whatever it is you're doing, in the years to come.

Khara Collins: 1:11:13

Jeez Shelby. Why do I feel like I've been knighted?

Shelby Wagner: 1:11:19

And may it be so, oh my gosh, I can't wait.

Khara Collins: 1:11:27

It does feel really good and you know, while you were talking, I was just thinking like I've also been celebrating more than I ever have this year, like little things, or not really little things, but like things that I wouldn't have necessarily celebrated previously, like I don't know, like even this step in the community, like celebrating that and just letting it sink in and not rushing to the next thing or recognizing like milestones with my son that aren't like the typical milestones but just important to me, and just also being able to witness my own healing through my experiences with him, is like really amazing. It's like a whole new level of like. Oh, my god, this is affecting him too. Like, yeah, and it feels really good, it feels really amazing and I'm looking forward to having the experience of this year like kind of like under our belts and going into next year, it just it's only going to get better right.

Shelby Wagner: 1:12:27

It just feels like a solid foundation. And what a way to live life noticing, just noticing those details, whether it's being able to observe a situation where things are going awry, or being able to observe yourself, like being the mother you always wanted, like whatever that noticing is is happening, so that you can savor it or sit with it or, you know, think about how you want to change it.

Khara Collins: 1:13:04

Like whatever it is like to be present, feels like that is the gift of living oh my gosh, it is, and that's like at the core of my gene keys and everything I think it's. I can't remember which one it is, but it's like my pearl or my life's work one of them is presence.

Khara Collins: 1:13:19

I think it's the pearl. But yeah, the whole like recognizing that I'm living and like enjoying it has been a huge win this year, and especially during this time in my son's life. It's like he's little still, like I feel like I'm doing it right, because I'm appreciating it.

Shelby Wagner: 1:13:40

Yeah, appreciating it and being intentional. And that is something that I don't know that our parents, or even their parents, and certainly the people that came before, got to be really intentional about parenting. You know?

Shelby Wagner: 1:13:54

it was a lot of about survival and we are in the cushiest of ages as it comes to just luxury things and things on demand, and, you know, our world is still rife with all sorts of trauma and chaos, but we also have a lot of luxury, and so it's the time that we can be intentional, to like we have a different way of connecting, you know, and being connected, and to be intentional about the way that we are, the way that we're growing, the way that we're parenting, and to try to tap into that. I think is is really important.

Khara Collins: 1:14:35

Yes, and just getting to learn it alongside our kids a lot of times is like so cool, like I love just being able to learn something new with my son, or just all the time I'm telling him like about different ways we can integrate our emotions, and I'm telling him like I'm learning too, like I did not have this when I was little, like right, especially at the times where it gets like heated, and I'm like I don't know if I told you, but the other day we got it was like before bedtime and we were like arguing about something and he was like, if I stop being sassy, can you stop being sassy?

Shelby Wagner: 1:15:12

or something like that, and I was like yeah, that's totally cool.

Khara Collins: 1:15:16

Like I don't know, and just being able to like have that kind of conversation with him and like him talk to me about it is like such a win.

Shelby Wagner: 1:15:23

I'm like yeah, I know my daughter. We both have projector children, but my daughter very much and I love that she'll call me on something like you said that you know, yes, in a really like sharp way or um, you sounded mad when you said that you know, or just your energy, and I just, and I just love that she like feels safe to say that and we could talk about that. I love that she notices it and wants to say something about it. So I do think we're doing, doing something right?

Shelby Wagner: 1:15:58

yes, exactly raising the future leaders, that is yes, definitely projector babies well, this has been lovely, a lovely look back.

Shelby Wagner: 1:16:11

I am so excited for whatever is next, but in this moment, just feeling so fulfilled, so, so grateful. Grateful for you, grateful for those who listen to us and maybe, hopefully, our experiences transform or change or spark something in you. But I'm grateful for this time that we have to reflect on things and take things even deeper. Even though we do talk every day, I'm feeling feeling good. Even deeper, even though we do talk every day, I'm feeling feeling good. Thank you for joining us for this episode of Looking for Evidence. We hope this conversation gets you curious about the evidence showing up in your everyday life Till next time.

This was a 6-2 Studio production. Find us at six-two.studio for all your creative sound needs.